In 2 0 2 3 / 2 0 2 4

I laughed. I Cried. I Leaped for joy. I was exhausted. I won. I lost. I multiplied. I bagged my MBA. I got a job. I lost a job. I grieved. I was angry. I grew. I was scared. I was anxious. I smiled. I had nightmares. I was afraid. I had no job. I learned faith anew. I was uninspired. I got two job offers. I discovered myself. I sang a lot. I was depressed. I learned how to ask for & receive help. I danced. I Engaged. I Disengaged. Forged new relationships. Let go of several relationships. I became a new mom. I struggled. I became a single mom. Friends and neighbors became family. Some family became strangers. I was broke. I showed courage I didn’t know I could. I learned patience. I learned how to breathe. I had enough. I overcame. I was overwhelmed. I was sick. I read letters. Strength I didn’t know I had showed up. I was healed physically. I mastered how to be on hold until I spoke to a human operator. I gifted. I received gifts. I mastered living with grief. I was blessed. I was hurt. I forgave. I wrote letters. I was in multiple therapy sessions. I asked God 1001 questions. I doubted myself. I screamed. I was identity mad. I was blessed beyond measures. I was favored. I experienced the nearness of God like never before. I perfected smiling through pain. I persevered. So many rejections. Many more acceptances. I realized what truly matters. But above all, I moved from feeling hopeless to being hopeful.

Jan 1, 2024, I had a conversation with my friend-turned-sister’s mom.
Grandma told me in Yoruba – one of our Nigerian dialects, that she will not ask me not to cry. But she is assuring me God will send me help. Because He sent her help back then when farming was the order of the day, and she had 5 children.
I thanked her. But I didn’t entirely believe her.
That night however, I asked God to show me He will be with me. That I wanted to be a grandma someday, and testify. I asked specifically for a year long sample of His presence.

I am generally private about my personal life.

But For the 2nd time on 6/2, John Onwuchekwa, an invited pastor, preached. I remember I almost didn’t make church that day. His message was titled ‘Tragedy doesn’t ruin us’. Let’s be honest, Many preachers advocate for ‘testimonies’ as a verification of their hand-laying or prophecy or xyz… and use the line ‘to encourage & bless others’. Please note I said ‘many’ not ‘all’, and these testimonies do bless others. I’ve been blessed many times. But I tell you, sharing your grief story – NOT THE SAME.

Anyway, pastor John’s reason that day was different. He asked that we share our journey before we even see any light at the end of the tunnel, to show faith literally in the works. Because the world needs to see us 100% trust God.

Mm-mnnn. That was new. Most people shared ‘after’ things got better and the puzzle was fixed.
Also, That meant being vulnerable to the world!
Plus how could I do that when I was barely building my hope for that light myself? More importantly, I did not give 2 rats-ass about the world at the time.
But As I drove home, I remembered my conversation with God Jan 1, 2024 .
I had asked Him for a year- to show He was with me. This was June, so I didn’t budge.

For the third time, on 12/22, when Mike Kelsey (McLean Bible Church) preached about Mary the mother of Jesus embracing her purpose even when it seemingly ended in a tragedy, I was convicted. I also had a good cry during the service.
Plus, this is December – I have no excuse. None. I can’t deny God’s faithfulness and goodness – through the people He uses and sends my way. A few times even, I felt His hand physically holding me throughout the year.

So, as much as I would like to keep living my quiet, normal, just-wanna-get-through-another-day life, regarding this, I’m choosing to obey. It is not an ‘if’ or ‘maybe’ anymore. It’s a ‘when’.
Who knows, maybe one, just one person asking God for a sign to not give up, will see one of my random posts, and Trust God.

I pray me and her both eventually get to the light at the end of this very dark and lonely tunnel.

Indulge me for being a little loud about this Christmas. It’s because last Christmas was a blur, and I didn’t see myself celebrating another Christmas.

Here’s to the one whose birth gives us unfailing HOPE for an eternity without condemnation – Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas from me and mine. 🤍🎄😇

#ikhtse | @ikhtse

#tiwaadetoye #MyStoryGodsGlory #MerryChristmas #Christmas #December #december25 #Faith #Hope #Love #gratitude #JesusIsTheReasonForTheSeason